Self-care as a term appears to be everywhere; we see it on social media, in wellness trends, and in conversations about burnout and balance, often presented as something structured and polished, as if there’s a “right” way to do it. While dedicated self-care practices can be valuable, the pressure to get it perfect can feel and become overwhelming.

This month, I invite you to take a step back and consider self-care from a different side, not as another item on your to-do list, but as a way of being, a practice rooted in self-awareness and self-compassion. Rather than chasing an ideal, what if we focused on what truly supports us, moment by moment?

Self-Care Isn’t a Standard to Meet, It’s a Practice to Personalise

It’s easy to approach self-care with a particular perspective and in a certain way: a morning routine, a daily workout, a set number of deep breathing exercises before bed. However, life isn’t predictable, and well-being doesn’t fit into a one-size-fits-all approach.

Some days, self-care might come in the form of a walk in the fresh air, a special meal, or a good book. Other days, it might mean stepping back, canceling plans, or choosing rest over productivity. When we redefine self-care as something fluid and responsive rather than fixed, we relieve the pressure to get it “just right” by societal standards and instead focus on what actually nourishes us, as individuals.

Sometimes, it is as simple as actively shifting our perspective; instead of asking, ‘Am I doing enough self-care?’ perhaps we can ask, ‘What would feel most supportive right now?’ Depending on what we need at the moment, the answer will change day by day, and that’s the important point.

Softening the Expectations We Place on Ourselves

One of the biggest barriers to self-care is the weight of our own expectations. In leadership, work, relationships, and personal growth, there’s often an underlying pressure to excel at everything, all at once. In these moments, it’s important to make a point of reminding ourselves, honestly, that none of us can give 100% in every area of life, all of the time. 

Rather than holding ourselves to impossible standards, we can choose a gentler approach, one that acknowledges the natural ebbs and flows of life. This doesn’t mean letting go of our ambitions or responsibilities; it means recognising that doing our best will look different on different days.

An accessible way of making this a practice, is by asking a few gentle check-in questions:

• Am I expecting myself to be everything to everyone?

• Am I prioritising my well-being, or only meeting external demands?

• What would it look like to give myself more grace in this moment?

When we soften our expectations, we create space for self-compassion, and when we lead from a place of self-compassion, we foster environments where others feel supported and valued, too.

Navigating Expectations in Our Relationships

Just as we place high expectations on ourselves, we sometimes, knowingly or unknowingly, do the same to others in our relationships and leadership. We may assume that colleagues should anticipate our needs, that friends should respond in a certain way, or that loved ones should always understand how we feel.

But relationships, like self-care, thrive on flexibility. Instead of assuming, we can clarify. Instead of expecting people to meet our unspoken needs, we can acknowledge that they, too, are navigating their own challenges. Instead of carrying everything alone, we can invite collaboration.

With intention and practice, we can explore ways to shift perspective. By expressing our thoughts and feelings with clarity and care, we open up opportunities to share the things that matter to you and your team. Through acknowledging that others have their own limits and that they may be doing their best, just as you are, we allow ourselves to embrace empathy, leading to feelings of psychological safety and connection. 

By softening the expectations we place on others, we create relationships rooted in trust, understanding, and care.

Self-Care as a Leadership Skill

Self-care is often viewed as something personal and individual, but it also plays a crucial role in leadership. How we care for ourselves directly influences how we lead, how we communicate, and how we show up and support others.

A leader who is constantly drained, overextended, and striving for perfection will struggle to sustain meaningful leadership. But a leader who understands their own needs, sets healthy boundaries, and leads with self-awareness is someone who fosters a culture of well-being, not just for themselves, but for those around them.

Finding methods and ways of integrating self-care into our leadership is at times easy, and at times a difficult practice. Making time to create and instigate a balance model, shows to our teams that taking breaks and setting boundaries are strengths, not weaknesses while encouraging open conversations create spaces where people feel safe to share their successes, concerns, and challenges. 

For some, these might feel like small actions, but recognising the power of small actions can make a lasting impact. When self-care becomes a shared priority, it strengthens not only individual well-being but also the teams and communities we build.

Leadership Begins with Self-Compassion

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this, it’s that self-care isn’t about perfection, it’s about presence.

It’s about learning to listen to yourself, softening the expectations that weigh you down, and leading with the same kindness you extend to others.

As you move through the rest of February, I encourage you to ask yourself:

• Where can I be a little gentler with myself?

• What small act of self-care would feel most supportive today?

• How can I bring more openness and understanding into my relationships?

By embracing self-care as a flexible, evolving practice, we not only support ourselves, we also create the kind of leadership, workplaces, and communities that support those around us.